When thinking about adoption, the first thing that comes to our mind is usually the image of a child in the arms of loving, blissful adoptive parents. But while heartwarming, that image can fail to tell a full story.
Of course, it is true that the new family unit is at the heart of the process. But the adoption journey has many steps and it is accompanied every step of the way by many who lovingly cooperate towards giving a child a warm, doting family while at the same time giving adopted parents the greatest gift of their lives. I'm talking about the residents of the Adoption Village, whose support is often crucial for a seamless process towards the new family configuration and for the healthy growth and development of its members.
Aligning with National Adoption Month, this is a special time to honor these people.
Adoption Villages are often bustling. They are home to those who will watch the child grow, and temporary shelter for those who provide service in passing. The first to homestead there arrive as soon as parents start considering welcoming an adopted child. And it just keeps growing for as long as there are memories forming in this experience. Every adoptive parent and child needs such a village gathered closely around them. And every person in the village needs them to complete their experiences and fulfill their calling.
Whom can you find in your Adoption Village?
Once you have decided to adopt a child, you start to gather others around you; those who are meant to help you along this journey and help you place the next building block into their own. Not everyone’s village contains the same people. Some are fewer, some more numerous, and some have residents that are quite unexpected. Here are only some of those who may be helping your family along the way:
The Biological Parents
If your child’s adoption was open, their birth parents may be a constant - if often discreet - presence in your lives. Even if it was a closed adoption and birth records are difficult to access, your child’s biological mom and dad were the original contributors to your newfound family. They brought your son or daughter into the world and made the decision that brought them closer to your arms. They are part of your child’s ancestry and thoughts of their birth parents can - for better or for worse - keep them up on sleepless nights. And one day, they may once more become reunited, rebuilding the bridges that collapsed so early in life.
Your Chosen Family
Here, you can include everyone you care for and who loves you and your adopted child dearly. It can be your birth relatives, or simply supportive friends or kindly neighbors. They walk with you on every step of your adoption journey, offering hope, strength and advice. And once your adopted child is in your arms, they are the ones your little one will reach out to for hugs, who will help out with babysitting in a pinch and who will offer the best treats. And they are also the ones you can trust to look out for your child, be there for them and keep them in their thoughts as they grow older.
The Foster Family
If you didn’t have the experience of adopting your son or daughter straight from their birth family, they may have spent some time in foster care. The foster family (or, by case, the residential care facility staff) raised them thus far, nurtured them, and may have developed strong bonds with them as their first caregivers and the closest thing they had to a parent. They may be able to provide you with precious information about your little one’s needs and preferences and they may even choose to stay in touch if this is something your family is open to.
The Social Workers who guide the adoption process
Starting an adoption process can be daunting. You may not know where to start, what to do, or what to expect. A kind and empathetic social worker can patiently walk you through all the intimidating bureaucratic red tape. They can help you with valuable information and advice, share their vast experience with you, and provide support and encouragement when things seem hard or no end to the legal process seems to be in sight. Then, once the adoption is completed, your caseworker may take over this role, watching over the way your new family is growing and providing insight and recommendations as needed.
The Court Officials involved in the adoption proceedings
Before your adoption process is finalised, it has to go through a sometimes complex legal proceeding. You may use the services of a lawyer to guide you through this process, advise you and prepare the legal documentation. Then, a judge will carefully consider the case to ensure that your adopted child will be safe and well cared for within your family and that their best interests are being served. While this contribution can seem small and transitory, it is part of an ecosystem of care that protected your son or daughter from the moment they were born and led them to a good home. They will also provide them with their new identity, in the form of their new birth certificate. And should your child need to access their adoption records one day, they may also need to get legal advice and petition the court to get their original birth certificate.
The Mental Health specialists
The adoption process can be an emotional rollercoaster, as joy and excitement can coexist with doubts and anxieties. It is can be tremendously helpful to have a therapist who can help you process all these intense feelings and experiences. If you have chosen not to disclose this information, you may need help figuring out how to tell you child they’re adopted. At the same time, if they are older than a baby, they can also benefit from the help of a mental health professional to adapt more easily to their new family, identity and surroundings. Some adoptees may experience adopted child syndrome, face difficulties bonding with their adoptive parents and siblings or adjusting to a new school. Or they may need help coming to terms with the fact that they were adopted once they become old enough to truly grasp this reality. Experienced and dedicated therapists (or spiritual advisors) can be worth their weight in gold when it comes to helping your family navigate such challenging times.
The Good Doctors
Some adopted children experience health problems or developmental delays that their parents need to be aware of so they can provide the right kind of care. Pediatricians, child orthopedists, neurologists, speech therapists, physical therapists and other medical professionals often work together to assess the little one and develop a plan to get them in the best state of health as soon as possible. This sometimes develops into a long-term relationship, as you work with the medical team throughout the years to manage or improve chronic conditions.
The School Teachers
If your child is of school age at the time of adoption, they can have a hard time integrating and performing academically in the midst of such a major life change. However when there are kind, understanding teachers who are aware of the adoption and put in special effort to make their new student feel welcome, they are always going to be remembered. They can also be a valuable ally and source of insight to you, as an adoptive parent, because they are in a position to observe how your child is faring socially, emotionally and intellectually in a different environment where you are not present. And they can share their experience to help you provide your son or daughter with the support they need to thrive from all points of view.
The Adoption Reunion Professionals
There comes a time in every adopted child’s life when they begin to wonder about their birth family. And many will, at some point, express a desire to meet them. If your child’s adoption was closed or your family has lost track of their biological parents’ whereabouts, they may one day need help searching for their birth family. This is where the adoption reunion professionals come into your lives. They may be adoption detectives (investigative genealogists) who will work closely with the adoptee to track down their birth parents. Or they may be people who have built user-friendly resources, such as adoption reunion registries, to make the search for your adopted child’s biological relatives fast and comfortable. Over time, they have build tight-knit communities around their platforms. For example, the story of Adopted.com started 20 years ago and since then, they have reached over 1 million members and helped countless birth family members become reunited.
The Adoption Support Groups
Last but not least, the support of people who have shared your experiences, walked the same path, and faced the same challenges can be invaluable. The members of adoption support groups can provide more than just companionship, they can offer a unique shared understanding of what it is like to be an adoptive parent or, by case, an adoptee. And they can validate the flurry of emotions that comes with it. Whether it is an online group or members meeting in person, they can provide a sense of belonging to a community that knows your story and wants to see you succeed on every step of your adoption journey.
What to do when your Adoption Village seems too small
Some families forged through adoption don’t have this many allies in their adoption village. And it can be easy to feel alone and isolated in a new situation which, while extremely rewarding, can also be immensely challenging to navigate. So what can you do when your adoption village appears to be empty? Take a closer look around. Don’t be afraid to let others in or to share your adoption story with them. Every day is an opportunity to meet someone new, take them by the hand and invite them to settle down for a while into a vacant corner of your life. Find those who are already a constant presence and make them feel even more welcome and appreciated. Or better yet, you can become a part of someone else’s adoption village, which will allow you to enlarge your own in turn.
Any time you feel alone, discouraged or when your people seem nowhere to be found, keep in mind that someone is always there for you and your adopted child. The vast Adopted.com Community is online night and day to share your adoption victories and struggles, to give you hope and support you through difficult times even if you are not actively seeking to become reunited with your birth relatives.
Now that our paths have crossed, it is an honour to be neighbours in this great, online adoptive village for as long as you choose to be around.
