Meeting your biological father for the first time can bring a whirlwind of emotions. Whether you found him through an adoption reunion registry or your adoption records, the first contact can feel overwhelming. You might feel hope for a connection, but also fear or doubt about what lies ahead.
It’s natural to feel nervous, excited, or unsure as you approach this moment. You might wonder how the meeting will unfold and how it could change your life. Taking time to prepare mentally and emotionally can help ease these concerns.
You’ve come so far in your journey, and now you’re closer than ever to finding answers. This could even be the beginning of a relationship with the man who brought you into the world. Here are some tips to help you prepare for reuniting with a birth parent and navigate this delicate process.
Preparing for Your First Meeting with Your Biological Father
Meeting your biological father is a rare and profound moment. Though you can’t predict how it will go, you can prepare. Reflect on what you hope to learn or gain and what questions you want to ask.
Set realistic expectations. Every adoption reunion is unique. Some meetings spark an instant connection; others take time. Being open to any outcome can help you stay present and focus on the experience instead of specific results. This is just one step of your journey, and it’s brave.
1. Let Go of Past Assumptions
You’ve probably spent years — or even a lifetime — imagining your father. In your mind, he might have your red hair or a similar sense of humor. But the person you’ve dreamed about is not the same person you’ll meet.
Before meeting, release any assumptions you’ve made about his life or personality. Remind yourself that you don’t know his story yet. Like everyone, he has layers and complexities. Go into the meeting with an open mind so you can discover who he truly is.
It might make you feel sad to let go of the image you’ve built of your father. However, try looking at it another way. You now have the opportunity to create a real, authentic picture of your dad. That image may still be incomplete or imperfect, but it will be true.
2. Rally Support Throughout This Experience
Meeting your biological father can be life-changing. Don’t go through it alone. Turn to loved ones for encouragement and reassurance so you’ll feel supported no matter how it unfolds.
You can also connect with resources through adoption reunion support groups or forums, such as the welcoming Adopted.com community. There, you can find kindred spirits who have shared experiences similar to your own. Hope and some topics in the community are specific to meeting your father.
If necessary, consult a therapist or spiritual advisor. They can help guide you through this emotional and uncertain time.
Remember, a healthy adoption reconnection starts with self-connection.
3. Manage Your Expectations
For some, an adoption reunion brings hope of reforging a parent-child bond. For others, it’s a necessary step toward closure and moving forward in their lives.
Neither of these perspectives is inherently right or wrong, but both parties need to know what to expect. Before the meeting, consider having a brief phone call or email exchange to set expectations for both sides. This preparation can also help you decide whether to move forward.
4. Instead of Fixing the Past, Look to the Future
If your birth father wants to meet you, it’s easy to get swept up in the possibilities. Even if you grew up in a loving family, there are many reasons to search for your birth parents. You may want to know what it’s like to have your biological father in your life.
Having the opportunity to build a relationship with your father can feel like a long-awaited chance to heal old wounds. And to some extent, it might help you do that. But it’s good to be aware that the person you will meet cannot be the father you never had. They can only be the father you could have from this point on.
Be realistic about what happens next. The first meeting may simply be the start of a relationship between two adults who share a biological bond. The paternal affection and validation you seek may or may not come later.
Looking for your birth relatives and unsure where to start? Adopted.com is here to help simplify the process. Sign up today to begin searching for your birth family.
5. Don’t Read Too Much into Silence
You may be very excited about reuniting with your biological dad. If your enthusiasm isn’t matched by your father’s reaction initially, it’s easy to feel hurt. Remember, his response reflects how he handles feelings — not how he feels about you.
Some people struggle with communication, especially in emotionally charged situations. Your dad might shut down or become withdrawn when overwhelmed. It can be easy to misinterpret his dissociation as rejection or coldheartedness.
However, with time and patient communication, he may feel more comfortable opening up to you. Just keep in mind that it may happen in his own way and on his timeline.
6. Give Your Relationship Time
It’s normal to want to make up for lost time with your birth father. More than likely, you have many questions to ask and things you’ve always wanted to say to him. Now that you have the chance, those thoughts may be racing through your mind. However, it’s best to trust that there will be plenty of time if all goes well.
While you and your father are biologically related, you’re still strangers at this point. You need time to get to know one another and build mutual trust. It’s good to prepare some questions and stories to share, but leave room for simply discovering each other.
When you let the conversation flow naturally, it can help to ease the tension you both may feel. Allow time to get to know each other and build trust. Let the conversation flow naturally, and save heavier topics for later.
7. Set and Accept Healthy Boundaries
Reuniting with your birth family can be emotionally draining. Prioritize your mental health and well-being. Don’t hesitate to set healthy boundaries and communicate them from the beginning.
It’s fine if you aren’t ready for a close relationship with your biological dad anytime soon. Similarly, it’s OK if you don’t want to introduce your birth father to your adoptive family just yet.
And remember: you don’t need to forgive and forget the past just because you’ve reunited. Allow yourself to work through your feelings and ask others to do the same. At the same time, your father may be — temporarily or permanently — unable to provide the relationship you want with him. He may not give you the presence or affection you’re hoping for.
Like you, he’s human with his own needs and limitations. Work to understand and accept each other’s boundaries. This acceptance will help increase your chances of developing an open and respectful relationship.
Get Support on the Journey to Meeting Your Biological Dad
Meeting your biological father for the first time is a big step. Wherever this experience may take you, we at Adopted.com hope it’s a positive and meaningful one. We’ll be here to share your story and celebrate your courage, regardless of what the outcome may be.
If you haven’t located your biological dad yet, we can help. Create a free profile today for the chance to find your birth father and make a reunion possible.
