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Moongirl
Reaching out for help finding my birth mother My name is Chandrabala‚ adopted to Sweden my name has been shortened to Chandra – but whenever I’m in India I use my full Bengali name. I grew up with a single adoptive mother just outside Sweden’s third biggest city Malmö. Growing up‚ my adoptive mother has always kept India ‘alive’ for me‚ telling me about this big beautiful country I was born in and encourage me to find my way back whenever I was ready for it. So far I have been back to India six times: 1998‚ 2008‚ 2010‚ 2013‚ 2017‚ and 2020. And in December this year it’s time again‚ my seventh journey back is booked‚ and I will be in Kolkata for six weeks. In February 2020 I was in Kolkata for a month‚ celebrating my 35th birthday with my Indian friends around Sudder Street and on the day of my birthday: a friend took me around Salkia‚ the place where I was born – before that emotions had kept me from making it over Howrah bridge. A birthday is a celebration‚ but it also means that for a many moments of that day I spend time thinking about my birth mother. Does she know it’s that day? Does she think of me‚ remember me? Is it with joy or sadness? Questions are many and answers are few when being adopted. It doesn’t matter where I am on that day‚ those thoughts are always in my head. For me‚ being adopted does not equal happy. Being adopted means that you will come to a new family‚ new country‚ new culture‚ new language‚ new religion and traditions. But it also means being separated from the same. I have never accepted this. I have also never accepted when people have told me that I should feel lucky being adopted‚ that I did not have to grow up in poverty or any other condition we see in this country. I always try to explain to people that for me that does not make a difference. If I had grown up in Howrah I would not have known anything else than that‚ my life would have been the same as anyone else here. Just like I would never known anything else than Sweden‚ had I stayed there and never returned. Born i Salkia‚ Howrah in 1985‚ to an unwed mother at only sixteen. When I was three days old she left me to Indian Society and Rehabilitation of Children ISRC‚ in Calcutta. I know my birth mothers full name and that I was born in her home in Salkia. I fully understand that she‚ at such a young age‚ was not capable of taking care of me and therefor I have never felt any anger or sadness towards her. I have also‚ through my journeys back to India over the years come to understand more about how Indian society works and the social stigma that comes with having a child outside marriage. For whatever reason I was left by her‚ I still feel‚ and have always felt: a longing back to India and to know my own story prior to my adoption. I made some efforts searching during my trip in 2017‚ with the Indian law being changed in 2016 – giving adopted children the right to see their documents I put my hope to this law and for months before leaving Sweden I asked ISRC to locate my file for me to see when I arrived. I was disappointed when I arrived‚ that they had not even tried to find it or even listen to my appeal‚ even though I also had a letter of reference from my adoption agency in Sweden asking ISRC to help me. I am very well aware I can not just come knocking on my birth mothers door as this might cause disturbance in her life. That’s why I need a ‘middleman/woman’ – someone who can make that first contact and give her the choice to see me or not. If she says no – yes‚ it will hurt and I would be very disappointed – but I would know that she is alive and well and she would know where to find me if whenever ready to make contact. I know that what I am asking for is looking for a needle in in a haystack of over a billion people. But I also know that if I don’t continue to at least try I will regret it for the rest of my life. What I am looking for is someone with knowledge of the Indian social system: a lawyer‚ social worker or a journalist. You‚ whoever answers‚ is my last chance. Best Regards Chandrabala
