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RonnieMacmillan

Hi my name is Ronnie. Iam searching for my adopted brother who unfortunately I never got to meet when he was born. He was born on the 08/08/1978 in Scotland in Bellshill maternity in the town of Bellshill and was registered by my mum as Paul Macmillan. ( this was his birth name before the adoption took place as I have his NHS birth card from the hospital that shows he was named Paul Macmillan before his adoption took place by his and my mum I was 5 at this time and I didn’t even know my mum was pregnant or that I had a little brother who was sadly adopted out at birth as far as iam led to believe from my mum who at the time already had 3 children, myself and my brother and sister and unfortunately my dad had left us and my mum just couldn’t afford to feed and clothe the 3 of us and was now a single parent and she was struggling to make ends meet and in those days things were really difficult for her with regards to being a single parent and at the time of my brothers birth I was in hospital myself aged 5 with a hip disease and she was trying to go up and down to the hospital every day as well as work every day and try and look after my brother and sister and myself she really was struggling to do it all on her own and she just felt that she couldn’t cope with her life very well and loosing her husband to another woman which had all taken its toll on her mental health at this time so she felt that she had no choice other than to adopt my brother and her new born baby son, as she felt she couldn’t cope financially or mentally at the time with another baby. My mum has always regretted her decision since the day she made this decision to this day almost 42 years later, in her eyes she thought it was the kindest thing to do for her newborn son so he would of at least had the chance of a better life out of the poverty she was in and obviously in those days social work were keen to get mothers to adopt there baby’s out as now all these years later there was talk of how the were selling baby’s onto wealthy couples who could not have kids. Iam not making excuses for my mums choice I mearly stating that in those days things were very different from what they are now and she felt pressured into giving her son up for adoption by them as she was poor and had 3 kids and she struggled financially and mentally and she was encouraged that this was the best thing to do for her son. Me and my brother and sister didn’t know that my mum had been pregnant and that my mum had another son, our brother because we were all very young at the time. ( we probably just thought she was over weight at the time but she kept it secret from us for many years and one day she told us. I can’t remember how old I was at the time but I was still a kid. I’ve always thought of my brother being out there somewhere in the world and I used to hope and pray that he was happy and in a loving family who loved and cared for him and that he would not know he had been adopted until he was old enough to find out. My childhood was a difficult childhood and I just hoped that his was better than ours as we were very poor and I was always told that the family who adopted him were middle class and both school teachers so I always prayed his life was a good life. For years I’ve asked my mum to help me trace my brother at one point she gave me his NHS card proving his name was Paul Macmillan and I had begged her to help me and her son by putting her nr on the salvation army registrar to try and find my brother and her son. As you can imagine and hopefully understand she was very reluctant to do this as she was very sad that she had adopted her son out. I can’t even imagine how much pain and guilt she has lived with all these years knowing that she had done this. She’s felt so much pain and guilt for this and she hates herself for making that decision that day and it’s hurt her to this day that she put Paul up for adoption so she in her mind thinks that he will hate her for giving him up to adoption she feels he’s better off without her as she feels she wasn’t the good parent she wanted to be. My mum has suffered from mental health since she gave my brother up for adoption and she possibly suffered from it a little bit before then when my dad went with another woman. She has had a hard life and I ferl for her. She’s now nearly 73 and she’s not going to be here for very much longer at her age but as I write that I pray she’s here for many more years to come but in reality we can’t live forever. I know how much my mum hurts to this day after loosing Paul and she also lost her other son, my brother Douglas who unfortunately died in a road traffic accident in 1992 when his friend crashed his car. My mum is old and I said to her the other night again can you please allow me to look for Paul and she broke her heart and basically thinks he won’t want to ever meet her for as she says abandoning him all those years ago but I know that she would really dedp down be dying to meet her so and hopefully get to apologise to him and explain to him why she felt that she had no choice but to adopt him out at that time in her life. She thought she was giving him a better chance at life than what he would have had with her and us. Her mental health wasn’t good then. Today is the 8th of December 2020 and I have waited for so many years to search for my brother. I had to respect my mums wishes that she thought it best for pail to not try and find him and allow him to live his life. But iam sick of waiting to see and meet my brother who hopefully I will now be able to track down. I don’t know if he’s out there looking for his mum and if he even knows that he had 2 brothers and 1 sister. ALL I know is I am desperately looking to find him and I hope that he will be on this site and he will see this and find us once and for all. If your out there please I beg you can you please get in touch with me. My mums name at the time Paul was adopted was Margaret Odonnell Gormley. This is her maiden name. Her marriage name was Margaret Macmillan. If anyone recognises my brothers name when he was born please get in touch. I presume his name was changed after the adoption so I don’t know if he’s still called Paul or not. Paul if you ever read this your maternal mother and brotherand sister and neices and nephews would love to hear from you and meet you and hopefully we can get to know you and be a part of your life. You are forever in our thoughts and in our heart. All my love Ronnie your brother xxxx♥️