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SaraNoe

For my Birth son Jackie Lee. There is a special reason for that name given at birth. You were adopted by parents I only know as Mr and Mrs SH. I never want anyone to have to face the decision for adoption because it is an extremely heart ache for the birth mother but to make absolutely sure you are doing what a mother should always do and that is to sacrifice your own desires and wants provide the absolute best for that little one. To give that special gift that perfect little bundle to protect that baby with your life and sometimes it is adoption... I never took my eyes off of you for those days I was blessed to be your mother. I did not sleep for those days knowing I did not want to forget every single second I was with you. I played a little cassette tape of lullabies when we were together. I did not have a player that had consistent play so I would immediately flip it over to play side 2 and so on. I sent it with you so the transition from me to your home and mommy daddy to keep for you. That way it would feel like nothing was out of place or different. I asked the hospital for 2 baby hats so when you where placed in your mothers arms it would be as if she herself was being handed her baby just as if she were your birth mom in a hospital. I was told there was a poem in your home about adoption. Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute you weren’t born under my heart but in it. I think that is how it goes... You also have an older brother also adopted from the same agency. That itself I believe was not done very often so your parents must be so very special. There is a very very special reason that even happened. Another story to share with you later. I must admit letting you go left me with empty arms that is just part of how it is. I never regretted being allowed to have such an experience to get that one chance to be a mother, your mother. Thank you Lord for giving me that responsibility. I wasnt able to write to your family very well back then... I apologize so much for that. You see I just had nothing to share then. Once you were gone that kinda was just it. The most important thing in my life and i had to stay silent inside. You and your family is all I wanted to hear from but I worried your mother would feel odd sharing anything with me. Then the day came where they decided not to continue and I suppose if I were them that I’d want to do the same. I had to accept that but on a birth mothers end it I’d another heart breaking moment that i had to accept. I had to put myself in her shoes and i can only guess what it was like for her. She was a mom and I no longer was. I could only dream to see you and your family and if the Lord sees it fit it will be far more than I could ever dream of. Because I am just positive you were raised so loved I dont know that there is room for another but if a miracle happens in that perhaps me trying this is part of it. God, please protect every single person on this site with pure hearts and save the ones that are missing You in their heart and soul. Thank you, Lighthouse