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RalphArnold1968

Officially learning my given birth name for the first time at 40-something years old was a major life highlight for me. Although at now 57 years old‚ i'm still incomplete searching for my biological Father‚ my half-siblings‚ to learn of my paternal surname‚ and more answers about my biological Mother. Hi‚ thanks for reading about my 39 year long adoption search. This lengthy personal message here on adopted.com website profile could be a book‚ and perhaps one day will be‚ so sit back and enjoy an interesting read about my story as an adult adoptee...I was born 7/13/1968 at Providence Hospital in Southfield Michigan‚ suburban Detroit. My childhood was very unique‚ filled with secrets‚ leading up to age 18 yrs old‚ when the only loving parents I ever knew confirmed they adopted me when I was a two week old baby. That's a story or three of its own! It was a voluntary direct consent adoption through private attorney. State of Michigan still has a law today unwilling to provide identifying info about biological parents/siblings/family to adult adoptees‚ unless consent is provided. About 30 years ago I hired a Private Investigator and confirmed my biological Mother name was "Sandy." She was 33 at time of my birth‚ single‚ unable to keep baby‚ did not believe in abortion‚ and felt adoption to good home would be in my best interest. Eventually I located her‚ called her on the phone to introduce myself‚ thank her for not aborting me‚ giving me the opportunity of life‚ and to let her know I was adopted and raised by two loving parents. Sadly‚ she was not interested in conversation. A few years later‚ I tried calling her again‚ same outcome‚ zero interest. In the Summer of 2000‚ I called again‚ to share good news that my wife gave birth to our 1st child and to congratulate her as a Grandmother. She told me to "F**k Off! Go To Hell" and she hung up the phone. Shocking and heartbreaking to the day! Out of respect‚ I did not pursue contacting her ever again. Fast forward nine years‚ 20 June 2009‚ I was anonymously contacted by somebody via Craigslist advising she (Sandy) passed away. It appeared legit‚ so I took the gamble and immediately put my life on hold‚ borrowed money for round-trip airfare‚ and flew all the way to Michigan‚ then a 45 minute sweaty taxi ride‚ wearing Armani suit and tie to attend the funeral of my birth Mother. It was the 1st & last time I met her face to face‚ sadly while she laid to rest open casket. Heart issues‚ 74 yrs old‚ no other children but me‚ no other family except her brother and distant elderly relatives. Attending her funeral service was disturbing on several aspects. I felt isolated and insignificant on more than one specific situation that I experienced at the funeral home‚ the gravesite ceremony‚ and at the family house despite my DNA matched more closely to this deceased woman moreso than any of those several dozen “relatives” in attendance. The family secret‚ the hidden pregnancy‚ was perhaps brought into the spotlight for the first time ever as most conversations I had that day included “we had no idea she had a son”‚ “don’t recall her ever being pregnant”‚ “never heard of you before now”‚ etc. Heartbreaking to stand tall‚ chest out‚ chin up‚ remain calm‚ shed tears without shame‚ speak politely only when spoken to‚ etc. but I made it through that challenging day successfully as the classy gentleman my adopted parents raised me to be‚ and got back on the airplane and went on with my life. Overall‚ it felt good to show my respect to the woman who gave me life‚ providing a sense of comfort and some closure to my maternal adoption search. Apparently being pregnant in 1968 without being married was shunned upon by society‚ and her full term pregnancy had to be kept hidden to avoid further shaming her very religious family. Followed by giving birth to a baby‚ who would immediately be sent away to another family‚ is no doubt in my mind‚ understandable reasons why an unwed 33 year old woman would endure challenges of mental depression. So in hindsight‚ I do not hold grudge for her difficult choice not to rekindle/share conversation with me each of those times I called her by telephone. Nobody on her side of the family admits knowledge of who my biological Father is. For the past 25+ years‚ i'm grateful to have established some regular rapport with her brother‚ a man i've learned to actually admire‚ my biological Uncle who has consistently been polite to me. However‚ he has a poor track record of telling me he will call me‚ and never does or mailing me her photos‚ her diary writings‚ nor her personal effects that he claims would send in the mail to me‚ yet never anything in the mailbox. I've reluctantly accepted there is no ambition from my maternal side of my biological family to include me as family. So I keep minimal contact as to not disturb him‚ with exception of every April 4th I email him every single year on his birthday to hopefully put a smile on his face and make him feel special from his only Nephew. Needless to say‚ I still feel like a family secret‚ a black sheep‚ an orphan‚ solo‚ alone‚ unwanted. Several years after her funeral‚ I formally petitioned Oakland County Court with her death certificate requesting Identifying info of my biological Father. At 40-something years old‚ I finally obtained my original certified birth certificate. Up until that time‚ i’ve only seen my birth certificate showing my adopted name‚ listing my adoptive parents not knowing of any other first/middle/last name except from adoption at two weeks old. But this piece of mail I received‚ signed off as official from a judge in the State of Michigan included something incredibly special. It revealed an entirely unique birth certificate‚ dedicated to me revealing my given birth name as Ralph Arnold‚ and officially confirming Sandra Ruth as my bio Mother. No name of bio Father was provided on birth cert. I have since wondered the significance of my first given name Ralph‚ and the significance of my given middle name Arnold. Questions remain! Some NON-identifying info that may or may not be completely accurate about biological Father‚ reported from my sealed 1968 birth records: Physically good health‚ 6 ft 3"‚ blonde/blue‚ fair complexion‚ athletic build. This happens to be my physical appearance‚ and looking at him would be similar to looking in the mirror‚ despite age difference. My photo is attached with this adopted.com website profile to show sincerity. Adoption record also states at time of my birth‚ he was in his mid-20s‚ Scandinavian heritage Norwegian and Danish. Education completed 2 yrs Parochial college‚ considered above average intelligence. Lutheran religion. Married with 2 children at time of my birth. Employed as a Salesman. Allegedly‚ his father and/or grandfather was a Lumberjack or Farmer. Unfortunately‚ that's most all I know of him‚ and his side of the family. Three possible surnames (Hansen‚ Sutter‚ Vajda) are recent tips as of July 2025 as possible last name of birth Father. Of course it’s quite possible none of those last names are legit leads we’ll see. About me: His physical description describes mine‚ and coincidentally i’m also a professional salesman. I am honest‚ good values‚ family oriented‚ fun‚ sociable‚ stubborn‚ adventurous‚ well traveled‚ college educated‚ Fortune 500 experienced‚ and successful entrepreneur. I despise quitting‚ and have difficulty accepting no for an answer‚ but sometimes you just have to walk away. I feel exhausted after years of sincere efforts pursuing maternal side of family to mail me her diaries and photos‚ and take time to share a few personal stories by telephone‚ and learn answers to my questions about her. Considering i’ve yet to be disappointed from biological Father’s side of family‚ as I have not too much of a clue who he is‚ hope remains to share a discreet face to face talk with my biological Father‚ a blonde haired‚ blue eyed man I physically resemble‚ although due to his elderly age‚ time-sensitive. Bonus to meet one‚ two‚ or more of my half-siblings likely around my age to learn about him‚ see photos‚ listen to family stories‚ etc. Perhaps it’s time for this amateur sleuth to order a DNA test kit and join one of the specialty websites to pursue best of luck matching “needle in a haystack.” Please reply if you can help with my adoption search. Sincerely‚ "Ralph"