Active Search Profile Details

ChristyFerreiraLockw

Hello Chase this is your birth mother Christy. I would just like to express how much I love you I’ve thought of you everyday since we were taken from me. I regretted the adoption the entire time the entire process. I did not have support and I felt very overwhelmed by the the adoption agency as well as the adopting parents their whole family flew in to get you. But I really wanted to keep you so bad I didn’t make the call to the adoption agency a friend of mine actually did it and I was 38 weeks along which means I only had two weeks to go. If I had known I could have changed my mind after I signed the paperwork I would have done so the lady who completed the adoption process said that she thought I was going to change my mind it was the hardest thing that I’ve ever done. I have spent many many nights crying over you missing you knowing that you have two older brothers and one older sister who love you very very much and they want you in their lives so even if you choose not to be in mind they would greatly appreciate meeting you when the time is right. I love you sweetheart I’ve have always and will always love you from the moment I felt your first kick to the time that I first laid eyes on you there is the bond between mother and baby and our bond was very strong I could even feel you crying as I walked away and I didn’t want to leave the hospital I wanted to stay with you and it was like the paperwork was signed in it that I was just basically pushed away from you and I didn’t realize until years later that I could have changed my mind at even at that point and I think that’s why they tried to rush me away from you. At that time I was in a toxic relationship with your father his name is Adam Hoffman. We did struggle with drug abuse I was on methadone when I gave birth to you. I would have went through every case of whatever I had to do to keep you I wanted you so bad even to this day I regret it so much and the only comfort I find is with God knowing and praying that the family you went to loves you and takes good care of you and that’s the only way I find comfort is through God and trusting in God that you are with a good loving Christian family. You still mean so much to me and I would love to meet you when you turn 18 you will find me on several adoption registries so I hope you choose to look into finding Me and your brothers and sister who await the day you turn 18. I love you son with all of my heart and soul and I pray to God that I will be able to put my arms around you again one day with all my love near biological mom Christy Ferreira Lockwood